


Pulling Apart the Coils

by angharabbit



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Reylo - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-19 14:05:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13705995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angharabbit/pseuds/angharabbit
Summary: A series of visits while Rey tries to keep the Falcon flightworthy, and Kylo Ren tries to pretend his situation isn't even more precarious. Reylo, picks up shortly after TLJ.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Pulling Apart the Coils (Translating to Russian language)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15710955) by [IlSogno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IlSogno/pseuds/IlSogno)



The Force seemed to be biding its time after the battle of Crait, letting physical and emotional wounds knit before drawing Rey and Kylo Ren together. They both considered the possibility that the Force bond had been broken by their discord, that something precious had been sacrificed in the name of independence. The grief coloured everything they did, both haunted by regret and pride, but at the same time neither knew what they would do or say if it was restored.

Since nominating himself Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren's isolation had become complete. Hux chafed in his subordination, and Kylo's only entertainment was in thwarting the young leader's schemes.

Kylo flicked his finger on the pad on his desk to shuffle to the back of the reports, looking for the most innocent and boring. He ran a keyword search on a thousand page technical report on sanitation, his mouth twisting in a bitter smile when sure enough he'd found tonight's gem. His most trusted troopers were to be given an inspection tour of outer rim outposts.

Last night he'd found that his personal shuttle was to undergo a lengthy and unnecessary refit, the night before that all personnel were banned from his quarters including custodians and technicians, then all medical and emergency supplies stripped from his TIE, and before that his personal accounts were to be frozen as part of a routine audit. Each order had been countermanded or rejected, but then came another and another.

His moment of success soured. Hux would be frustrated, and likely upping his ante soon. Scanning back into the reports he looked for something else, something he could have overlooked.

He grew frustrated, running searches in every report for references to himself, or worse, Rey.

Opening a new communique, he put in a set of orders that he'd been considering for weeks now. Hux would go on a full inspection tour of all First Order bases, starting with the smallest and working his way up to the largest, preparing a full report on overlooked resources and inefficiencies, now that they could turn their focus from the Resistance.

It would give Kylo some breathing room while he sorted himself out, if Hux didn't find a way to wiggle out of it.

Angry that he still felt like Hux had slipped things by him, he pushed away from his desk and though it was night, felt power surging through his limbs.

A personal attendant droid hovered discreetly in a corner.

"Get me a sparring partner," Kylo barked, "I need a challenge."

He stalked the corridors to the armoury, wanting the space the main room provided compared to the area he could use in his chambers. It was dark when he arrived, lit only by stars and the safety track lights. He pulled off his coat and shirt, throwing them onto a bench. The door opened.

"You requested a partner, sir?"

Captain Phasma had resurfaced yet again from her encounter with the Resistance, the high polish on her suit indicative of her recovery inside and out.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he said with a bored tone. He'd never had much patience for the captain beyond appreciation for her skilled handling of the stormtroopers program. She had a thirst for recognition and glory that set his teeth on edge, and it made him want to sink back into the shadows.

"With the new edict that only senior ranking members who have been certified in martial arts combat training may spar with the Supreme Leader, it left me the only option, my lord."

Rage edged around the corners of Kylo's vision. He'd been completely cut off from his regular assortment of sparring partners. There it was. Droids were no replacement for people.

"I'm sure you saw and approved it as part of the internal security brief yesterday, sir," she continued. "I'm afraid I will not be permitted to be of use long, as I will be departing in the morning for a mission to Naboo that's expected to last several months."

"Choose your weapon," Kylo ordered.

Her stance widened and her body centred, pulling a Z6 baton from behind her back and activating it. She'd come ready to play. It crackled and spit as it extended, and for the first time it felt like Phasma may be more of a challenge then he'd anticipated.

"When would you like to call it, sir?" Her voice was confident, and he could sense excitement and anticipation in the Force around her. There was no doubt Hux was hoping Phasma could rough him up.

"Until one of us says stop," he said, brandishing his lightsaber in unnecessary flourishes as it burst into scarlet fire.

An hour later both Kylo and Phasma were showing their exhaustion, and trying not to. Neither willing to give in, they circled and clashed over and over, Phasma pulling out small blasters, common hunting knives, small paralyzing devices, all manner of things from her suit.

Annoyed at her treasure trove as the weight of his lightsaber seemed to be increasing every moment, he raised his hand and rotated her with the Force, plucking her chromium armour plates off one by one. She screamed like a hawk as she spun, the piercing war cry growing louder suddenly as he flicked his finger and pulled off her helmet.

He dropped her to the floor with a swift gesture, and for a moment he was too stunned to attack. She was beautiful, with a halo of golden braids coiled around her head like a crown where they'd cushion her helmet. A snarl crossed her face, her eyes livid. She took advantage of his surprise and the lightness of her simple tight pants and simple white shirt, and made a daring charge straight at him. He toppled, winded, the lightsaber falling from his hand and she rode him down to the floor.

Before he'd had a chance to catch his breath she punched him across the face, straddling him with one hand on his throat, then both. A braid came loose, dangling to brush his cheek. It was soft. She felt soft. He felt trapped, far too aware of her body, with panic and fear rushing in to fill the void his anger had left.

She breathed heavily above him, hanging her head, the pressure on his throat and stomach increasing as she lost steam and was collapsing down into his body.

There was a small rush of wind, a tang of machine metal, burnt wiring, and old leather that he associated with only one ship. He turned his head, panting through the pain in his lungs.

Rey sat on a bunk in the  _Millenium Falcon_ , her knees tucked up to her chest in the semi-darkness. She was in her undershirt, a blanket covering her bottom half. He could just make out a form sleeping beside her in the bed, curled up to her side.

She noticed him, her eyes growing round. He felt fury rising. Phasma pushed off of him, staggering to her feet and spitting.

"We're done," he told her in a low voice. "Leave immediately."

He gathered up her possessions and armour with the Force with a sweep of his hand, and unceremoniously pushed her out the doors. Alone in the room he slowly brought himself up, trying to hide his breathlessness.

Any thoughts he'd had on what he wanted to say to her if the Force brought them together again were gone.

"Traitor," she whispered, trying not to disturb her bedfellow. She stood up to her full height, her lips tight.

"Who is that," Kylo demanded softly, rolling to his feet. He watched Rey's eyes rove across his body, noticing scratches and welts from his hour's practice mingled with sweat.

"Rey," he said more firmly, stretching out the spot in his jaw where Phasma had hit him, feeling the click of it resetting. He summoned his lightsaber handle to his hand, gripping it tightly, itching to carve through whomever dared touch her.

Saying nothing, Rey just shook her head, hurt/anger/jealousy and an overwhelming self-doubt pouring through their bond.

"Are you such a slave to your dark passion?" she whispered, judgment clear.

"I've taken two different oaths of chastity," he said sharply. "I sleep alone." The lightsaber crackled back to life and he pointed it at the bed. "But I see your weakness. Did that old Jedi never inform you about the discipline required to tread this path? Did the nights get too long and lonely?" His voice never rose, never to her even now. "You shut me out for this?"

Rey herself crackled with indignation.

"You dare," she whispered cuttingly, "you dare say that to me when I find you with your lover literally on top of you!"

Gently pulling back the blanket behind her, Rey revealed the face of young woman, heavy bandaging around her head and hands. Kylo's eye twitched as he lowered the lightsaber and watched the angry woman seem to swell in size like a dragon.

He had been so wrong.

"What I do with my body, Kylo Ren, is my own fucking business, but it's a bit rich for you to play the jealous lover and the holy virgin right now. I'm sure being Supreme Leader makes it easy to attract all the attention you crave."

"You've been in my mind, don't you know me at all?" he cried finally, switching off his lightsaber and throwing it at the wall behind him in frustration.

"That was Phasma," he started.

Rey's face became thunderous. He could feel the power swelling around her.

"We were just sparring. She's the only person Hux will let me practice with," he tried to finish quickly, his tone steady and even. Calming, he hoped. "If it makes you feel better I'm fairly certain she was trying to kill me when you arrived."

Feel it, damn it, he thought, trying to push what he'd felt during the encounter with Phasma to Rey.

For the first time she stepped closer to him. Raising her hand she looked deep into his eyes and probed. She pulled him back through the long, exhausting fight in his memory, the unwelcome intimacy of the conclusion, and the rage.

"You're being caged," she said, "You hate this."

"I have to find someone to replace Hux. I can't leave him in power. He's a monster."

The word rang between them.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "You're right. You never chose me, you're free."

Rey blushed.

"I'm sorry I called you a traitor. I'm sure you're true to your vows."

Heat burned inside Kylo Ren. The vows had been an excuse and it now felt like a lie.

"I'd break them too," he said roughly, "I've broken everything else."

He sat heavily, his exhausted muscles pulling him gracelessly down to the floor.

"Are you hurt?" Rey asked hesitantly.

"It's nothing," he dismissed. "The fight was long."

"If Phasma fights so well, how could Finn beat her?"

Rey felt the hint of amusement in the bond that never registered on Kylo's face.

"He blinds her with rage, she gets sloppy."

"Like your pilots going after the Falcon instead of following pattern."

He nodded, remembering the uncharacteristic lack of discipline from his troops.

"You should abandon that ship. It's like a target."

"It's special," she said, offended.

"It's garbage."

"It made the Kessel Run in less than fourteen parsecs."

"Twelve," Kylo corrected automatically.

Rey raised an eyebrow. He shrugged, lying back on his back to stare at the stars outside.

"Where did you stash your stuff aboard," Rey said suddenly. "Smuggler ship like this must have a hundred hiding places, you must have had a spot you hid things as a kid."

He clenched his fist, squeezed his eyes right, pushing back the memories threatening to choke him.

"X marks the spot," he stated evenly.

They were silent. He assumed she was thinking over his clue.

"Ben," she said softly. He opened his eyes. She was standing over him. Swiftly folding her legs below her she sat cross legged, her knees skimming his shoulder and upper arm. "We were both jealous at the thought of being with someone else. Do you think it's just because of the bond?"

His heart gave a few painful pumps, bracing for grief.

"Rey," he said slowly, "I asked you to join me to rule the galaxy. I begged. Did you think I meant as colleagues?"

The silence was long.

"I forget sometimes that just weeks ago you were a slave. This is your first taste of freedom and I must seem like I'm asking you to give it up to me."

Screwing up his courage, he found her eyes.

"I am bound. You are free."

Rey looked close to tears.

"I hate Kylo Ren," she whispered. "I pity Ben Solo." He bit his lips to control his face. "You. You I love." Rey put her hand on his heart, her palm sweaty on his bare chest. "But I don't know who you are. And neither do you. And until you figure that out I don't know what to do."

The touch brought Rey further into Kylo's world, and he watched the light on her face change from the dim safety beams of her ship to reflecting the million stars shining through the glass on the training room.

She looked around, taking in the debris of his battle with Phasma and gave a low whistle.

Kylo wondered if she could feel the way his heart was beating wildly, his brain processing her words. Dark and light warred in him, passion and gentleness. He covered her hand with his and sat up, holding it to him.

"Wait for me."

The intensity of his eyes sent a scramble of mixed emotion through the bond, and Rey's breath caught. There was so little space between their bodies.

"Escape," she pleaded in a whisper. "You're a captive here."

She sat on her knees, raising her face level to his. Freeing her hand from his, she cupped his face, her thumbs stroking the planes of him, his cheekbones, his jaw. He watched her eyes flick between his, not daring to move.

Eyes closing, she brought her mouth to his and ghosted a kiss across his lips. He couldn't breath.

"Come to me," she whispered against his mouth, "I'll help you."

The darkness in him rose against the temptation of the light.

"Be careful, Rey," he growled, pulling away from her hands and wrapping his fingers tightly around hers. "Trying to seduce the dark side is like throwing fuel on a fire."

He pressed fierce kisses to each of her wrists, never breaking his eyes from hers. She went scarlet.

From behind her he heard the mechanical swoop of a door opening. Rey's head swivelled sharply to look, and then she vanished.

Suddenly alone with the cold expanse of the stars around him, Kylo lay back on the matted floor and noisily blew out a breath.

_ She hates me. She pities me. She loves me. She doesn't know who I am. _

_ I should have let her kiss me. _


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo Ren fiddled with the wires again. They just didn't feel right. He closed his eyes and hovered a hand over them, hoping the Force had some answers, but nothing.

"Well that doesn't look right," said a familiar voice over his shoulder.  

He repressed a sigh of relief. 

"I've never worked on a TIE before, but I can see where someone has tried to bypass the safety on the engine coolant. Do you mind?” 

He moved aside and Rey took his place at the access panel to his fighter's engine. She smelled of oil and burnt carbon, grease under her fingernails and hair pulled back tight.

"Has your ship been sabotaged?" she asked after a moment, distracted by some strange welding. "Someone's made a real effort to hide what they've done, but after a few minutes this engine would have burst.” 

"It didn't feel right," he explained. As a top pilot he'd never had to learn much beyond basic repairs.

"I've been elbow deep in Imperial and First Order engines and wiring since I was a youngling," Rey explained. 

"Can you fix it?”

She sensed the hope in him, a small boy wanting to go outside and play.

"I'll see what I can do. Stay close, we've never tried to manipulate objects through the bond before.” 

"I have to keep logging flight hours," he said, as if he needed a reason to fly.

It didn't take long for Rey to undo the damage. They went over the fighter together, Rey visually inspecting the mechanics and Kylo visually inspecting the mechanic.

"I'd love to come with you," she said, cleaning her hands on a rag. "I'd love to see how the _Silencer_ model moves, but I'm deep down in the _Falcon_ 's air handling unit trying to fix a leak in the coils.”

"That ship is a death trap," he stated, pulling off his cloak and hanging it up on the peg for the fighter's security cord. 

"But it's my death trap," she retorted. "And no one is sabotaging it. Chewie would rip their arms off.”

Her face softened.

He didn't want to do this right now. Grabbing his flight mask he pulled it quickly down over his head. 

"Your own people are trying to hurt you. Please reconsider.”

Annoyed, he put a finger up near her face.

"Listen, sweetheart, it's been a long day, for just one of these visits can you give it a rest. And the last time I saw Chewbacca he shot me in the stomach with a bowcaster, remember? I'm not safe with your people either.”

"Sweetheart?" she said furiously, slapping the finger away, then hands going to her hips. "You owe me a thank you for not being a ball of rubbery burnt bacon in ten minutes, Ben Solo.”

"Thank you, really," he growled. It had been a stupid thing to say but had slipped out. "And I'm not going anywhere until I can put someone with ethics into Hux's position.”

He turned his back on her and climbed into the fighter.

"You're awfully trusting," Rey snarked from the ground. "What if I missed something?”

"I clearly trust you with my life," he shrugged, bringing down the glass. "That I can't help," he muttered to himself, flicking switches to gear up.

 

OOO

 

"How was your flight?" Rey asked absently when Kylo appeared in the co-pilot's chair next to her in the cockpit of the _Falcon_.

It was very late, and from her wild hair and nightclothes she had taken the second watch. She was wrapped in a thin blanket, her feet braced up on the wall above her head, an old book cradled in her lap.

"Uneventful, thanks to you," he said quietly, still scrolling through files on his pad. He was in his nightclothes as well, but had not yet slept.

"Work?" she asked, casually stealing the cup of tea from his hand and taking a sip. He rolled his eyes and passed her a small square of what looked like compacted grains from a source that must be from out of her view-field. 

She inhaled it shamelessly, not returning his tea. He summoned an empty cup from his kitchenette with the Force and poured another.

"Do they not feed you in the Resistance?" he teased absently, chewing at a dry spot on his lips.

"Priority rations go to the vulnerable and the wounded," she said seriously, turning a page. "As they should.” 

He noticed the holes and frayed bits of her blanket with silent dismay, and passed her the rest of his nutritional bar, which disappeared

"What's kept you up so late?" she asked, marking her page with a snip of scrap wire and closing her book. "Don't they let you sleep in the First Order?”

"I'm reviewing personnel files for potential allies," he said, rubbing at his eye. "There are so people in so many places that I barely know where to start."

"I'd look for people with disciplinary records," Rey said, leaning in. "People who have been sanctioned for being compassionate or lenient, for getting too involved with helping local populations.”

He ran a few filters along those lines and the numbers seemed much more manageable.

 "That helps," he said, pleased. "What are you working on?”

Rey swung her chair around and tossed her legs up onto his thighs to use him as a foot rest, her ankles crossed neatly. She held up a book that made him gasp.

 "How-" he stopped, squinted at Rey, and reconsider. "You stole that from Luke.”

 "Want to see?" She offered, holding it out. He reached for the book and then changed his mind, his hand falling down to rest on her shins.

"It would probably burst into flames if I touched it.”

"You're so dramatic."

They were quiet, watching the stars go by.

"I learned to fly in this hunk of junk," Kylo said abruptly. "It's never been comfortable to live in. Are your people doing alright?”

She looked at him, surprised by his concern.

"We make do," she said simply. "I do wish we were able to land more often, we're in each other's pockets.” 

He frowned, unconvinced. She grinned brightly. 

"I heard about this one planet, Ukio, out in the Abrion system on the rim, where they make so much food that it helps feed all the core planets. Doesn't that sound amazing? Maybe if there's some peace in the galaxy we could go there and start a little farm and just eat and eat and eat."

His heart bumped at the idea of the two of them playing house together, that she could want to be with him. 

"I'm not familiar with farm work but I'd learn.” 

"That's right, you're a prince," Rey smiled. 

"Can't be much of a prince if the planet was destroyed before you were born," he correctly dryly. He'd always found that line difficult, son of a sleazy morally bankrupt criminal, son of a paragon of virtue, a force-wielding Skywalker princess. 

It was simpler to be son of neither.

 

OOO

 

"Well hello there," Rey said, looking around from where she sat crossed legs in the middle of his dinner table. He'd dropped his spoon when she'd appeared before him. "Smells nicer in here than the sanitation unit.

 She was holding a blowtorch and smelled of solder. The torch glowed dimly in the somber room, shadowy and bleak, reflecting off the shiny visor of the safety mask she tipped up to show her face. 

"Is there something on that ship not currently in need of repair?" He asked dryly, fishing his utensil out of the bowl where it had sunk out of sight with a deft touch of the Force. He dried it off on a cloth napkin, and offered it to her. "I assume you're hungry.”

She lit up, pulling the bowl to her and digging in without reserve or embarrassment.

"That poor ship sat unwanted in a junkyard for years, it needs some love," Rey said with her mouth full. Kylo was a mix of pity and amusement. "This is amazing, what is it?”

"It's just basic proteins, like legumes and pulses.”

"No meat?" She said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I don't eat meat," he said, tensing up. He expected the usual response of derision, disbelief, and assertions about his supposedly weak sensibilities. His father's constant teasing.

 She shrugged.

"I've never had the option to turn down food, that seems like a bit of a luxury. Makes sense, though. Don't hurt anything if you don't have to."

And that was that. He relaxed, his enjoyment of watching her inhale his dinner returned.

"Do you really have to do your own cooking, O Supreme Leader?”

"There's not much to it, and it's safer than eating what's prepared for me. When you eat like this, does it stay with you after?”

She looked at him, cheeks bulging. He noticed his seed loaf was missing. She chewed thoughtfully. 

"I can't really remember a time when I wasn't hungry at some level, so it's hard to tell." She said it so matter of fact. His food was plain and repetitive, designed to nourish, not enjoy, but there was always enough. "I'll let you know whether this stayed with me, that's a good question. We haven't tried to purposefully transfer anything to each other, but if the repairs I made on your fighter held, it’s promising.”

He got up and pulled a container of nutritional bars out from a low cupboard.

"Try to keep these.” 

Her eyes sized up the box greedily.

"Yes, sir!”

He knew she'd share, and there may be questions, but she'd figure it out.

"If you can keep those then I'll see if I can pass a few extra blankets, medical supplies another time.”

He could see her not getting her hopes up, keeping her face passive at the idea of supplies. It must be worse there than she was letting on. 

"Are you still sleeping with the injured girl?" he asked, filling her bowl again from the pot.

She shrugged, and her expression was more guarded than before. 

"What does that mean?" he asked. He sent a little probe down the bond, trying to catch her eye to pry. The layout of the _Falcon_ came back to him.

"You don't have a bed," he realized, slamming the bowl down so that it sloshed on the table. Rey looked scandalized at the waste. 

"Where do they make you sleep?”

"No one makes me sleep anywhere," she said hotly. "Beds are for the wounded. I'm fine kipping on the floor. It's better than the rusted out AT-AT I grew up in.”

"Come join me, Rey," he said without thinking, exasperated. "You're starving, you're exhausted, and you're always on the run. Here you would be taken care of, and you could focus on your studies.”

"Join you in your comfortable prison?" He saw her notice his own bed, large and warm-looking, if spartan. "Are you making progress on your personnel hunt?" Her tone was defensive, and he saw she couldn't seem to tear her eyes fully away from the bed.

 He ran a hand through his hair, sorry that he'd broken the peace. 

"Yes, actually. I've found a few people, and I was hoping to have confirmation before I told you, but I may have some good news." He took a drink of his tea, before passing the cup to Rey who drank the rest. "I've given a few strange tasks to potential candidates. Depending on how they respond I'll move them in position to eventually replace Hux and change the direction of the First Order. It would be slow, but it's a first step.”

"That's great, Ben," she said half-heartedly. "I'm excited to hear that. Think you'll survive long enough to get to step two provided no one has poisoned you, exploded you, or straight out choked you?”

He hadn't told her about the suspicious gas leak in his office that morning.

 "Could you even escape now if you tried?" Rey asked quietly, reaching across the table for his cheek. 

Before he could formulate an answer that he felt was both truthful and saved his pride, Rey disappeared.

To his frustration, the box of nutritional bars were left as well.

He didn't feel like eating now, but he knew Rey would be angry if he threw out the ends of the stew. The first mouthful he ate without thinking, but while the spoon sat on his tongue he had the thought that it had also just touched hers. The small intimacy made him warm slightly in the stark room.

Calling up the command app on his pad, he created an order for the commander he'd tapped out in the Anoat sector. If his snooping during his visit to the _Falcon_ cockpit was correct, it looked like he'd have an opportunity to test out one of his rebellious commanders. 

He drafted a private order for supplies and provisions to be left at the abandoned rebel base on Hoth as soon as possible, and to remove the habitual surveillance that had been in place since the days of the Empire. 

Rey should only be a day away by the time they were ready to pick up.

 


	3. Chapter 3

It was late at night when they connected again, closer to morning than bedtime hours. It was hard to keep a regular schedule in space, without the sunrises and sunsets of a nearby star or two.

 

In the inky darkness of his room Kylo heard a whisper from his bed.

 

"Where are you?"

 

He popped his head up, just barely able to see the silhouette of Rey lying flat on her back on his rumpled sheets.

 

The room smelled strongly of him, he'd been perspiring heavily while he fitfully dreamt, but he could smell grease and oil.

 

She was sniffling, like her nose was running.

 

"Why were you down there? Did I push you off when I showed up?"

 

He shook his head no and then remembered that she probably couldn't see him.

 

"I can't sleep, was doing some push ups. Are you okay?"

 

"I couldn't sleep either. I was tuning up the hydraulics on the landing gear." He made out a gesture like she was brushing tears off her cheeks.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Do you ever think about the people you've killed?"

 

He was silent. She continued.

 

"I can't stop thinking about those praetorian guards. What if under those masks they were just like Finn, looking for a way out but following orders? What if they had families who missed them? It was so easy to dismiss them as real people, hidden behind those masks."

 

He thought about their first conversation, how easily he'd removed his mask for her.

 

"I see it in my dreams," she said finally. "How I felt, how happy I was to kill them. How proud." She took a deep shuddering breath. "Ben, is that the dark in me?"

 

He rested his head on his forearms, thinking.

 

"Jedi masters would not have been trained in combat if killing adversaries was not part of the job of the light. The trademark of the Jedi is a weapon, after all."

 

"But my enjoyment of it," she countered, rolling over to be near him.

 

"You're a skilled murderer now, Rey," he said softly. "That's the path of the Jedi. And we all enjoy doing what we're good at."

 

She didn't answer.

 

"And I'd imagine," he continued, "very few things in life have given you pleasure. It must be a strange feeling now."

 

"What does the dark side feel like," she asked hesitantly. "Does it feel... good? Is that why you like it?"

 

"It feels as natural as breathing to me," he admitted, "but never fulfilling." He tried to find the words to avoid saying directly what he meant. "Like dancing by yourself instead of with a partner."

 

He didn't know if she really understood, but there was a puff of embarrassment felt through the bond that could have originated from him as easily as her.

 

"I wish I knew whether it's the dark side I felt when I killed those men."

 

Kylo could feel the darkness of his own constant grasp on the Force like a palpable tang in his mouth, swirling between his fingers, heating his spine. He drew it in and embraced it, accepting the coil of its power between his brain and heart.

 

With a careful measure, he projected that feeling to Rey, not forcing it on her, but presenting it through their bond. He knew his restraint was the tenacious grip of the light on his soul.

 

She gasped, and he felt a pull as she drank the dark side in willingly.

 

"Did you feel this?" He asked, managing the channel between them so he didn't push too hard. "When you killed them is this how you felt? This darkness?"

 

"No," she breathed. She wasn't fighting him at all, she was embracing his darkness like water on sand, pulling his mind deeper into hers until he lost his grip.

 

Rey invaded his mind like she'd done once before, his privacy blown wide open. 

 

"Stop," he said suddenly, his eyes squeezed shut in concentration. The darkness inside of him was swelling, rising to meet her demand.

 

"The things you want us to do," she whispered, sorting through mental images he'd created and dismissed and cherished and hidden. "It's like you need to do them, I feel your need."

 

"Rey, stop," he said more emphatically. He reached up onto the bed and gripped her arm. "It's just lust, don't dwell in it. I won't pull you into the darkness."

 

"Look how good you want to make me feel," she said absently, playing one of his own thoughts back to him.

 

"Rey, STOP," he shouted this time, overwhelmed by her presence in his head.

 

Reluctantly, Rey separated her mind from his.

 

"Why did you push me away when I tried to kiss you?" She asked, offended. "I felt so rejected, and here you are with a brain full of so much more."

 

"The last thing I want to do is pull you into depravity. I'll keep my distance until I relearn the discipline to shut those thoughts out altogether." His released her arm and slunk back to the floor.

 

"Depravity," she snorted. "You sound like a priest."

 

"I've taken holy orders twice over," he shot back, "and may I remind you again that you are training to become one as well."

 

"No," she said firmly. His head shot up, and he could tell in the dark their faces were close.

 

"What do you mean no."

 

"No, I'm not going to be like the Jedi of old. I refuse to be lonely and sacrifice companionship. That can hardly be the way of the light."

 

Kylo pulled the darkness he had shared with her back into himself, hoping that would make her see reason. Instead he felt a well of her own darkness bubbling inside of Rey.

 

"You said yourself that you'd break your vows," she reminded him, her tone smoother, deeper than usual. Her hand found his hair in the pitch black of the room, the heat of her fingers as she ran her fingers through it making him feel feverish. He leaned into her touch, feeling the coiling, the gentle tugs, the stroking of her hand. 

 

"I also told you not to risk seducing the dark side," he warned, an internal battle waging. "You wanted to know what the dark side felt like and I showed you."

 

"I want more," she said, grasping his hair and guiding his face close to hers. "Hux could kill you. Resistance could kill you. Your people could kill me. This ship could kill me. I want what you want, what I saw that you want. I want you to make me feel like that, with you. Give in to the dark for awhile."

 

"I'm not going to do that," he ground out, clasping his hand around her wrist to still her working fingers. "You're an innocent."

 

Rey let out a noise of frustration.

 

"You won't touch me because I've never been touched before? What are you saying, that it would be better if I found a pilot or two and a cosy corner of the Falcon to take the shine off of me and then you would?"

 

His temper flared hot, and he gripped her wrist tightly.

 

"No."

 

"No what," she retorted.

 

"No," he answered finally, feeling his restraint give a last hurrah. "But you should leave now. Go and reconsider."

 

"I don't want that," she said firmly, sitting up on the bed, "and neither do you."

 

Kylo stood abruptly, towering over her, shadowing her like an eclipse. His fists clenched at his sides.

 

With a steadying breath, he stalked over to the com panel and hammered on the button.

 

"Connect me to the quartermaster," he ordered harshly.

 

"Sir," said a calm male voice, a short silence, and a gravelly woman's voice answered.

 

"I'm requisitioning extra blankets to this room immediately."

 

"Building a fort, soldier?" responded the quartermaster wryly. Rey snorted and Kylo turned to glare at her. He switched off the comm, turned on the light, and sat in the chair near the bed.

 

"Do I frighten you?" she asked softly, gesturing to the bed.

 

He couldn't reply, though he knew she could feel the truth.  _The supreme leader is a frightened virgin._

 

"What would you have done if I'd stayed with you, or came to you now? Would you have touched me then?"

 

The thought was painful, burning, and he snarled his answer like a wounded animal.

 

"Of course I would have, because I'd know that you were mine. That you wanted to be with me, stay with me."

 

"But I can't," she whispered, "so I'll take what I can get of you."

 

"Is that really what you want?" He asked, staring so intensely at her that she turned her face away. Closing the distance, Kylo climbed onto the bed, hands and knees crawled to her. He wondered if she'd be intimidated, prepared to back off at the smallest indication, but she reached for him. Rey grabbed his shoulders, her fingers flexing into his muscle, scratching slightly.

 

He hovered over her, guiding her down, listening to their cacophonous breathing.

 

"Is this how you wanted your first kiss, Rey?" he accused. "In the sweaty bed of a man you've called a monster, on a Star Destroyer, through a magical connection? You deserve better."

 

Rey reached both hands up and gripped his head hard, fingers pulling hair, palms rubbing against stubble along his jaw. He couldn't have freed himself even if he'd wanted to, traces of the Force pressing in around him with her unconscious desire of keeping him there.

 

And there it was.

 

Rey pressed his mouth down to hers, their lips meeting over and over. A harmony rang in Kylo's ears, like the very Force around them sang. He drank her in, her heady blend of darkness and light joining with his in a need for completion that threatened to overwhelm them.

 

Her hands stroked his back, his waist, his hips, always pulling him closer to her. His fingers dig at the sheets on either side of her head, not daring to move.

 

"You're going to break my heart, aren't you?" Kylo asked, catching his breath. Rey trailed her fingertips down his jaw and neck, followed by open mouth kisses. "I can never go to the Resistance. You'll never come to the First Order. Where does that leave us."

 

"Shut up, Ben," Rey commanded, kissing him quiet. "Concentrate on all those interesting ideas you had about things to do to me."

 

"You could disappear any minute," he murmured, lowering himself gently on top of her, her legs parting to make room for his so easily he bit his own lip to stifle a moan. He reached behind him and wrapped a hand around her ankle, sliding it up the length of her calf, over the curve of her knee to her thigh, finding its home under the firm cheek. A tremble ran the length of her legs, coming up to wrap around him, drawing him closer still. His fervent erection sent a thrill through her he could feel down the bond.

 

Keeping his focus on her mouth, he continued his tour of her body, large hands mapping out her shoulders, breasts, waist, hips. In his darkness he felt possessive, claiming her body as his own, and was satisfied to feel it mirrored Rey's own dark possession of his body. 

 

"I am yours," he whispered in confirmation, arching his back as she ran her fingers up the backs of his thighs over the soft fabric.

 

"You can take what you want," she responded, a hint of mocking, but he knew she meant it.

 

Rey turned her head sharply, her tone changed sharply to irritation.

 

"Motherfuc-" she started, and then she was gone. Kylo collapsed down onto the bed, finishing the word.

 

He closed his eyes, regaining control of his body and mind, feeling their boundaries restore from where they'd blurred with hers.

 

This is what he had been afraid of. That if they came together it wouldn't be in half measures. It would be two oceans crashing together, impossible to stop, impossible to separate, a single body of water forevermore. They could never have left it at a kiss.

 

The corridor door chimed. After glancing to make sure he was decent, he snatched the extra blankets from the facility worker and let the door close in their face.

 

Disoriented, he grabbed the back of a chair with both hands to ground himself, blankets falling to the floor. He could hear Rey's voice like a staticky radio, feel her anger and frustration at their thwarted... lovemaking, he assumed that's where it would have ended up.

 

_"Like hell you will,"_  she was shouting. His eye twitched as he heard the distinctive roar of Chewbacca. His tone was protective, and Kylo's Wookiee was rusty, but it was clear he'd figured out something was up. 

 

_He wants to hunt me down. I don't blame him._

 

Unsure of whether Rey knew that her mind was bleeding through to his, he carefully listened in.

 

_"You say you owed Han a life-debt that can't now be fulfilled. Ben didn't kill Han, Snoke made him do it, and it freed him. Ben killed Snoke, and now he's in danger, and I may not have known him long, but I bet Han would want you to try to protect his son. So help me, Chewie, let's go get him. He's a prisoner there."_

 

Embarrassment, guilt, shame, and rage flooded Kylo. He picked up the chair and threw it at the door. Rey stopped talking.

 

_"Ben?"_  she asked mentally.

 

_"That's not what happened,"_  he said fiercely.

 

_"I can't argue with both of you at the same time."_  With a mental caress and then a shove, she pushed him out of her mind.

 

Small objects around the room began to quiver. Kylo closed his eyes, finding trying to regain his balance. The rattling stopped. He opened his eyes and saw something shiny slip out of the blankets. Using the Force he froze it in its tracks, lifting it up and rotating it in the air at eye level.

 

A minuscule poisonous snake. How appropriate. And it was entirely possible that he could have missed the murderous creature until it had bit him.

 

Reaching out his hand, extending it fully, he clenched it again in a powerful fist, the Force closing in around the creature so firmly it was instantly dust.

 

Fuelled by nearly every emotion on the spectrum, Kylo Ren burned the blankets, burned the attempt on his life, burned the obsolete desire to keep himself physically from Rey. Once they were ash on his floor, he got dressed and went to his office. 

 

There would be no sleep for him tonight. Not in this mood, not in that bed, not with so much to do.

 

He was done pretending his grip on the First Order hadn't been slipping daily. The ability to influence policy was waning, and he needed to finish what he started.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo was in middle of his sword forms exercise when he found himself in blinding sunlight and knee deep snow. He blinked a few times, eyes adjusting from the artificial lights of the training room. Bitter wind wrapped around his bare chest, and he shivered as he looked around.

Rey was doing forms with her staff, slicing through the snow and spraying it up into the air in fans and arcs of white. She hadn't noticed him yet. It was lovely to watch, her competence and skill was compelling. Dressed for the weather, he admired the way she could still move with her light grace and speed.

Recognizing the pattern she was using, he knew she would be coming to the end soon. He spent his time scanning their surroundings, looking at visible signs in the sky of where the Resistance was. Pleased, he recognized it as Hoth.

"I imagine it's you to whom we owe our good fortune," Rey said, finally hearing the creak of his boots in the snow. She turned to greet him, and gave a short laugh at his unfortunate apparel.

"Let's get you inside," she offered, walking to the utilitarian door off the courtyard. He followed her into a dank concrete building, and was grateful for the shelter. They walked in silence down the halls, but he heard her speaking clearly in his mind.

_"There are security cameras everywhere here, and I don't fancy looking like I'm speaking to myself."_

_"Fair enough."_

_"Do you even own shirts anymore?"_

_"I've been spending a lot of time training."_

The fortress was damp and cold, but spacious, and Rey led him to a door that had been labelled in chalk with her name.

"My first bedroom," she stated once they were inside. "We won't be on Hoth long, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts."

She pulled the heavy top blanket off of the cot and wrapped it around him, chafing at his arms to help warm them.

"I don't imagine the First Order often pulls out and leaves fresh supplies behind?"

"When they're following instructions they do."

Electricity hummed from the bare light bulb in the grey walled room. Everything Rey owned was half packed and spread onto the overturned crate in the corner. The broken lightsaber had been carefully dismantled, a page of notes beside it.

"Thank you," she said finally. "I don't know what sort of risk you took to look after us like this, but allow me to thank you on behalf of all the people who don't know."

He waved off her thanks, feeling awkward. After the events of their last meeting he was confused about where they stood. Could he go kiss her? Was it weird now?

"Could use some of your tea here," she joked. "I had no idea it could be so cold.

He stretched out his blanket-covered arms like wings in invitation, willing himself not to blush. Her cheeks turned pink, but she slowly stepped into his sphere. Kylo wrapped her in his arms, the blanket draping over her, and tucked her head to his chest. He was sure the pounding of his heart must be deafening.

"We need to talk about it," he said softly. "This is something. You and me. About what we almost did, and what we're going to do."

"Find those generals who you want to place, Ben, because time is almost up for you," she said, echoing his thoughts from the other night. "Is there anything dear to you on the the Star Destroyer? Any possessions you'd be sorry to lose other than your lightsaber?"

He pushed her back to read her face, brown eyes examine brown eyes. She was serious.

"Nothing," he shrugged. "It was discouraged."

He thought for a moment.

"But you know that's not what I meant, Rey. I need to know if you were grateful to be interrupted, if it felt like a reprieve, or if you regret what we did together. I want to make sure that we're on the same page with this."

"You mean when I almost had my way with you in your bed?" she blinked up at him, unembarrassed. "I have every intention of completing that mission, supreme leader, as long as you're willing. I've told you I love you and that's still true."

She went up on her tip toes to whisper in his ear.

"There's actually a bed right here."

He suppressed a groan that she still heard mentally.

"I can't, I'm in the training room and anyone could walk in."

"What's your schedule like for the next few days?" she asked brightly, stepping away from him, her eyes filled with a resolve he found troubling. A yawn betrayed her.

"Just meetings and training. The personnel I selected are coming in for orientation, I've posted two directly under Hux, ostensibly to replace Phasma while she's away on Naboo."

"Are you alone in the training room often?" She sat on her bed and leaned against the wall. The cot was so narrow her legs dangled over.

"Yes," he said slowly, trying to follow her line of thought. "Several times a day. Usually when I'm angry."

He sat next to her, the legs of the cot protesting noisily against his weight. She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. Touching her mind lightly, he sensed her exhaustion. No mind tricks were needed, she was falling asleep. The scene around him was growing blurry, fading out to the training room in a disorienting overlay.

Kylo slipped her blanket from around his shoulders, guided Rey to her pillow, and tucked her in as the sad little room disappeared entirely.

 

 

OOO

 

 

The connection between the two had been growing more powerful, especially since their interrupted night together. Sometimes it felt like Rey's mind was just on the other side of a thin door.

Kylo Ren sat in the cockpit of his personal TIE, engine running in the hanger, and closed his eyes.

 _"Rey,"_  he called gently, imaging that door sliding open.

 _"Ben? Are you okay?_ " she answered.

_"I'm going out in the TIE for a flight. Would you like to come?"_

He sensed her excitement.

_"Everything in the cockpit is recorded. We'll have to speak like this or they'll hear me."_

Rey appeared over his shoulder, drinking in the controls. He reached up and squeezed her hand once before taking the fighter out into the peaceful vacuum of space. She waited until he was well away, stars their only company, before switching him spots.

It was a tight fit, but she slipped into the seat and he wrapped himself around the back of the pilot's chair.

_"These are the controls to- NO!"_

Rey needed no introduction, and he had greatly underestimated both her skill and her enthusiasm. She spun and twirled the ship, doing nauseating drops and climbs, laughing recklessly. He clung to the seat, gloved knuckles white inside.

It was like flying with his father.

_"Find me something I can blow up, I want to try these blasters!"_

Kylo checked the navigation screen and pointed out a small asteroid belt nearby.

_"This is about the edge of how far we can go from the destroyer. Don't go in too deeply."_

They spent a cheerful hour shooting up small space rocks, switching back and forth in the driver's seat to show off for each other. He was pleased that she seemed as impressed by his flying as he was of hers.

_"Where are you right now? You've been with me for hours."_

_"I found a spot next to the engine's sound dampener in the Falcon where I can't hear Poe and Finn arguing, it's just a lovely white noise. I brought my book with me, so no one will bother me."_

A feeling like a punch in the gut ran through Kylo.

_"What's wrong?"_

He didn't respond but she could see the thoughts that surfaced.

It was where he used to hide when his parents fought, when Han and Leia vented their disappointment with each other, and then passionately made up. Rey saw the access panel in the hiding spot, a distinctive x shaped handle, where Ben had hidden his toy, books, and later note book and pens.

 _"Still a good hiding spot,"_  he said.  _"I have to get back."_

"Once you've docked you should come join me here," she offered. "Room for two."

He would do a great many things to never crawl into that space again, even with the temptation of Rey beside him.

 

 

OOO

 

 

Rey appeared late in the evening, and Kylo was in a foul mood.

He had tried to reach her earlier, like in the TIE, looking to talk, but she had slammed the door closed and pushed him unceremoniously out of her mind.

Now she surveyed the wreck of his desk, embers still falling from where the pieces had been sliced.

"Trouble with your coup?"

He kicked a piece and it flew towards the glass, clunking off onto the floor.

"No, that's going well. Hux is surrounded by my people, and they're winning over the trust of the men."

"Then why the..." she gestures at the mess.

"My pilot's license has been revoked. They said it was too dangerous for me to be out, and my _Silencer_ has been broken up for parts for R &D."

"That's infuriating!" Rey said supportively.

"What are you wearing?" He asked sharply, noticing the black, tight fitting collar of a garment he hadn't seen before. She was in a dark room, and he couldn't make out much below her neck.

"It's for a mission," she dismissed. A satisfied look crossed her face that seemed so inappropriate he frowned.

"What mission?"

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry."

"Is it dangerous?"

"Maybe a little bit," she shrugged.

He felt his anger returning.

"Is it against the First Order?"

She nodded.

"I don't like it," he growled. "You're supposed to be learning, not throwing yourself on bombs or infiltrating supply warehouses or whatever rubbish they have you risking yourself for."

He felt annoyance spring up in her like it had been deliberately cultivated.

"I don't need you telling me where I can and can't go, Ben Solo."

"I'm not, I'm expressing concern."

"You've got this dream of me coming to join you just to stay at home and look after you, don't you, to just give up all the things I'm good at, massage your feet and raise your baby."

His brain stuttered to a halt, eyes huge. Reflexively he pushed his thoughts towards Rey's abdomen, feeling for life. She caught him, her eyebrows raised and her voice loud and derisive.

"Did you seriously just check to see if I was pregnant, Ben Solo? We haven't had sex yet!"

He felt stupid, and it made him angrier. Throwing his hands up he turned his back on her and called for his lightsaber. Collecting it out of the air he strode past her through the door into the corridor and towards the training room. He'd never walked away from one of their conversations before, but he didn't understand why she had become so belligerent.

The doors of the training room opened, and he strode in. The safety lights didn't activate, and it stayed dark.

One stormtrooper stood in the corner, next to a rolling cabinet where the towels were kept.

"What's wrong with the lights," he demanded. The trooper didn't reply, but looked him up and down, taking in his normal black ensemble. Kylo stormed over, saber in hand, and faced off against the foot soldier. The armour looked wrong upon closer inspection, like it was too big, but a blaster hung in a holster at the hip.

"You will answer me," he said dangerously, keeping an eye on the hand near the weapon. He still remembered what it had felt like when Rey had shot him through their first visit.

The trooper reached up and pulled off the helmet, brown hair tumbling out.

Kylo and Rey stared face to face a heartbeat before Rey raised her hand and made a grasping gesture.

"Time to take what's mine," she said with a wicked grin.

Kylo fell to the ground, forced unconscious.

 

 

OOO

 

 

Kylo awoke not long later, overpowering Rey's command to sleep.

She'd evidently stuffed him in the towel cabinet and was rolling him up a ramp.

He heard her use the Force to deflect attention, and gain access to a ship, redirecting anyone who expressed interest. He felt her fear simmering, and knew it was justified.

 _"I'm not happy right now."_  He spoke directly into her head, probably louder than he meant to.

_"It's not you I'm scared of, it's the thousands of soldiers and high command that worry me."_

_"You can handle them, it's me you'll have deal with later."_

_"We'll consider it even from when you did it to me."_

_"I carried you. I held you the entire flight. You know what I didn't do? Cram you into a laundry container."_

_"Let's say I could lift your body, how would that look?"_

_"You got me in here somehow by yourself. Where are you taking me?"_

_"Let's start with off this ship, then you'll have some options."_

_"You've put my lightsaber in here with me. What's stopping me from breaking out?"_

_"You're built like a bear, I'm sure you could have broken the lock without it. But don't, we're in the main hanger and surrounded."_

_"Did you Force sleep me?"_

_"I'll do it again if you're not quiet, I need to concentrate."_

Kylo tried to relax his body into a more comfortable position and listened, hand on his lightsaber handle in case things went south and he had to burst out and help.

Rey was exuding a mental nonchalance just short of whistling, and it was helping deflect attention. He probed her mind gently, trying to find her plan, but she was blocking him from anything other than surface thoughts.

Indignation sat heavily on his chest.

What sort of options would his kidnappers give him. He had admitted to himself that things were bad for him on board this ship, but he'd been too focused on mitigating Hux to think about what could be next for Kylo Ren.

Was there a Kylo Ren without Snoke and the First Order? He was right back to the problem Rey had identified when she'd told him that she loved him. Who would he be tomorrow, assuming her daring rescue/abduction worked.

He assumed he'd find out later how she smuggled him off the destroyer with an unremarkable utility ship, and he felt the rumble of poorly buffered engines lift off.

"You can come out now!" Rey yelled from the cockpit after they'd be flying about half an hour.

Kylo put his hand to the lock and exploded it, venting some of his frustration. He kicked open the laundry cabinet doors and unfolded himself.

Trying to work out the kinks and reestablish some dignity, he drew himself up to his full, considerable height. Rey was waiting for him, having heard the blast of metal. She stood tall in the middle of the ship, hands on her hips, helmet off, her face strong and resolved. Her eyes dared him to be angry with her.

He was sure she could hear all the thoughts that were competing to become speech.

_How dare you Force sleep me. How dare you assume I need to be rescued. How dare you not include me in the plans. How dare you manipulate me into a rage so I'd play into your trap. How dare you treat me like this. How dare you how dare you how dare you._

"How dare you put your life in danger for me," he hissed. His arm slipped behind her waist and pulled her to him hard. He pressed his other hand to her jaw, tilting her head up sharply so she couldn't look away from him if she'd tried.

Her eyes were defiant.

"You will never jeopardize yourself for me again," he demanded, his voice darkly painted with the Force. She brushed aside the powerful mental compulsion like a veil.

"I won't apologize for freeing you," she said hotly. "Did you really think you'd managed to keep from me how much danger you were in there? Goddamnit, Ben, even if not for yourself, can you imagine what would have happened to me if you'd died?"

She pushed back at him mentally, forcing him to feel the fear and despair that kept her up at night. He could taste her anxiety about how bereft she'd be, about the grief that would swallow her without him. She would have done far worse than don stormtrooper armour and sneak into the viper pit to prevent losing him.

He kissed her, his mouth coming down hard. She threw her arms around his neck, the white plastic plate cold against his skin. Thoughts came pouring into his mind, she was making no effort to stop them.

"I'm not taking you here on the shuttle floor," he gasped, alarmed. She kissed him again, and he could feel her mouth twist into a smirk.

"What if I took you?" she countered.

"No!"

She giggled at his offended tone, and he realized she was teasing him.

Beeping started from the console, and she slipped out of his arms to go check it.

"Trouble?"

"No, we're nearly to our potential destination."

He sat in the co-pilot's seat next to her, and scanned the read outs.

"We're in the middle of nowhere."

The engines wound down and the ship went silent. Rey had flicked all the switches off. She swivelled the chair to face him, bringing her legs up to sit criss cross on the faded leather.

"So you have a choice what happens now," she began. "You are free, and I will not impose any future on you even if I think it's the best thing for you."

She held up a finger.

"Option one, you can go back to the First Order. I won't stop you."

Another finger.

"Option two, we can go back to the Resistance base and accept whatever welcome you receive. They know nothing about us, or what I'm doing. Except Chewie, he knows and I'll be candid, disapproves. You should also know that your mother is there, and I should mention that there is a chance she's figured us out, but that's a story for later."

He resisted the urge to stop her there. She held up another finger.

"Option three, you can make up your own option, because you have your own agency here and are not limited to these options."

He nodded. One more finger.

"Option four, we follow my plan."

Prepared to listen, and sensing her confidence, Kylo settled against the back of his seat.

"I've researched a tiny colony near here on a unnumbered asteroid. It's made up of people who have decided to forgo modern communication. No comms, no bulletins from the First Order, nothing. They take in strangers, no questions asked, provided you agree to respect their way of life. It's an agrarian society, and there's plenty of food if you're willing to work to help. We could take refuge there. Not forever, we or you could leave whenever you want, but it would be a safe place for you until we can sort all this out."

She waited for a reaction.

"We'd be putting these people in danger."

"The First Order doesn't appear to know that the colony exists. I checked while I was aboard."

"That doesn't mean they couldn't track us there."

"That's going to be a risk wherever we go."

He thought again.

"Why would you be willing to leave the Resistance?"

This was a question she had anticipated.

"Here's how I see it," she said, raising her hands. They were marked with callouses, engine oil deeply embedded in the lines. He looked over her slim form, enveloped in stormtrooper gear, blaster hanging, pretty face emerging from the top.

_Fuck she was glorious._

"I think the First Order losing their leader, the coup you've set up for Hux, the potential for you to train me, and the liability my presence is for the Resistance with a price on my head all outweigh the benefit to them of having a half-trained force user and pilot."

He nodded, rubbing at his chin.

"This feels like running away," he admitted.

"We need to regroup, Ben. To learn each other, to learn how to use the force together, to figure out what our role in this world should be. We have work to do and we can't do that if we're dealing with the First Order and the Resistance as well."

"You need a lightsaber. Do you have the materials?"

She nodded.

"Then we can do that too."

"We're no good to either side until we sort ourselves out," she emphasized.

Variables collected themselves into a list in his mind.

"What sort of timeline are you thinking? Days? Weeks? Months?" He shifted a bit in his chair when she didn't answer. "Years?"

"As long as it takes."

Years alone with Rey in a tiny primitive colony.

"Rey," he said delicately, "after years we'd have made a life there. We may not want to leave, even if duty is waiting for us out here."

She shrugged, the armour ill-suited to the movement.

"I thought of that."

"And?"

"There are worse things than the two most powerful force users in the galaxy out of the way, playing house together. No benefit but no harm to anyone. Neutral."

Playing house together.

"So you're proposing that we live together there."

"Yes."

"I think I need some time," he said, getting up and rubbing both hands through his hair.

"Go think it over," she nodded. "There's no rush to decide."

He walked to the back of the little ship and crossed his arms over his chest as the door closed behind him. The stars shone back, reliable here as anywhere to meet him.

Option one. There was no going back to the First Order. That period of his life was decidedly over.

Option two. He couldn't join the Resistance, they'd have every reason to interrogate and execute him, and Rey would have to suffer judgment for accepting him.

He couldn't immediately think of his own plan and dismissed option three.

So that left option four.

He could see the immediate appeal. Domestic life was a mystery to him, but he'd be with Rey. They could train, study, and develop their understanding of the Force. Maybe sort out what all Snoke had done to his brain.

Kylo ran his hands down the front of his black jacket, feeling the layers of fabric and stitching. He would look out of place on a rural planet, or anywhere really.

The small clasps came free one by one, opening a line down his heart. He pulled the dublet-style garment off, and threw it on the utilitarian bed. Two coarse brown fabric rucksacks sat next to it, full.

Taking slow steps, he walked back to the cockpit, rolling up the sleeves of his black undershirt, feeling exposed.

"Are those your bags?" he asked, ducking his head to avoid hitting the low entranceway.

Rey glanced over him, appreciative warm thoughts blooming from her mind to his. Nerves made him block them out.

"Ours, yes," she answered, fiddling with a toggle that switched a gear in the engine on and off. "Supplies, a few extras. I didn't know how extracting you would go, or how you'd react if I was successful, or what you'd choose to do after."

"Let's try the asteroid," he said, his stomach twisting. It was the sort of whole body apprehension that came when one faced an impending massive life change.

With days, maybe even hours, he and Rey were likely to become lovers. Within weeks they were likely to have a place they considered home together. Within months would he recognize himself. Within the year, if they weren't careful, they could have a child. Like regular people. Not monsters or slaves or Jedi or Supreme Leaders or rebels or soldiers. The world would tick away without them until they were ready, if they were ever ready, to rejoin them.

"That's right," Rey agreed softly, answering the thoughts he hadn't realized he'd been projecting. She stood in front of him and took his hands in hers. He leaned down and rested his forehead on hers.

"I love you."

"I love you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to pregnancy.

The landing location Rey had found for the unnumbered asteroid was reportedly the only safe place to fly in. The cheaply made light cargo ship shuddered and rocked, coming in for a hard landing even with two Force-using pilots trying to stabilize it into the atmosphere. It was dark outside, lightning flashes like blaster shots illuminating hail comets which banged and cracked at the metal.

Rey cringed, hoping they wouldn't need to make a quick escape.

"It's the middle of the night here," Kylo reported, checking the read outs on the console. "Your shady ill-gotten report says weather at night is volatile, and during the day usually fair." He squinted through the viewscreen. "Let's stay aboard tonight, see where we are in the morning."

Rey agreed, and made her way to the back of the ship to their packs. He joined her, sorting through the rations while she arranged two piles of clothes. Using the Force he drew heat from the engines and boiled the canteen water, steam rising within seconds, and plunked in a teabag.

"That's what may have gave me away to your mother," Rey said absently, pulling off her stormtrooper suit to reveal her usual clothes underneath. She settled the folds of her tunic around her shoulders. His breath stuck in his throat. "She heard Chewie and I arguing after he interrupted us, and took me back to her room for a chat. I didn't know how much she'd overheard, she didn't say. There was a pot of tea, and she offered me some. I didn't realize there was more than one kind."

"There are hundreds, thousands maybe," Kylo filled in, seeing where this was going.

"I told her I'd only tried one kind before, and described it."

He made a noise low in his throat.

"She told me that it was your favourite, and it wasn't very popular. She wanted to know where I'd tried it since tea isn't common for slaves, especially on a desert planet."

"What did you say?"

"I stuttered and told her it was a long story. She gave me the same look you do when you try to rummage about in my mind. I made an excuse and left."

Kylo blew out his breath. Nothing got past his mother, the general was too skilled at reading people. His only hope was that their situation was so absurd that it wouldn't occur to her. A thought struck him, though. She had a shallow Force bond with her brother Luke, and Luke had seen Rey and him touch on the Jedi island. Could he have communicated with her about what he'd seen?

There was a pounding on the shuttle door, breaking them out of their thoughts.

"Open up!" demanded a voice nearly drowned out by the rain. It was heavily accented, and agitated. Rey and Kylo exchanged looks, checking that their weapons were handy. She pulled on her poncho and raised the hood, and handed him a vest and then a leather jacket that he slipped on over his undershirt.

Nodding when ready, Kylo hit the switch for the door, Rey's blaster aimed at the opening space. Rain poured in, hail bouncing at their feet. A man in a soaked white shirt ran aboard, trying to shelter his bare head with his hands from the deadly falling objects.

He was unarmed, and the distressed expression made Rey lower her weapon. Kylo dropped the handle of his lightsaber back in the holster to steady the man before he slipped on the wet metal flooring. The man looked them both up and down, and then focused on Kylo.

"You, with the First Order boots, do you have your basic military medic training?"

"Yes," he responded automatically, too taken aback to lie. "It's mandatory every-."

"You have to come with me, my wife is in labour and we need help."

"Like having a baby," Rey said, incredulous.

Kylo tried to think back and yes, they'd spent a few minutes in the day long training going over emergency deliveries in the community health management section, but he barely interacted with other soldiers let alone the public. His world was death, not life.

"Don't you have a doctor in this settlement?" He asked, pulling the first aid kit off the wall unit and wrapping it in a garbage bag.

"She is the doctor," the man said wildly, "she told me what to do but something's gone wrong, come on!" He waived them out the door, and Kylo ducked out into the torrential storm with him. Rey was a few paces behind after closing the shuttle door, and already it was difficult to see the two men ahead of her.

Kylo focused his energy creating a bubble of safety around the party running down the deeply puddled pathway, deflecting hundreds of lightning bolts and hailstones falling above them. Rey marvelled internally at his skill and control under duress, making her appreciate the difference proper training made.

The man led them to a stone house, panting with the exertion. The door was already partially open from where he'd run out at the sight of their landing lights.

Inside a fire burned in the kitchen hearth, and a small woman was on her knees on a thick pile of blankets in front of it. She was blue with purple hair, a Pantoran, wearing a soft grey nightshirt, and clinging to the rungs of the chair that was supporting her upper half.

"Hsaing," she cried into the seat of the chair. He stumbled over, slipping and sliding in his wet boots, rubbing her back and pushing the hair out of her face.

"I'm here, D'Lenn, I brought help."

Kylo paled.

"I'm not a doctor," he said quickly, "I don't know if I'll be able to help. I just have basic training."

"She's been like this for since dinner two nights ago, the baby just won't come. She's exhausted, sometimes delirious. I don't know how long she can keep this up," Hsaing rushed out, no attempt to disguise his fear. He made a pathetic picture, black and grey hair plastered to his face, clothes soaked through, his heart in his eyes.

Kylo rested his hand on the woman's back and closed his eyes. He could feel turmoil and pain, fear and suffering. The baby inside was as distressed as the mother.

 _"They are dying,"_ he told Rey silently. _"I don't know what to do."_

Rey came over and put her hand beside Kylo's, thinking about anything she'd ever heard about childbirth, anything she knew about her own physiology. She concentrated her senses through the Force into D'Lenn.

 _"The baby is trapped inside."_ She drew his thoughts to the sealed up cervix _. "I think that should be open, but it's not. Can you do it without putting her in shock?"_

"You're right," he said out loud, beginning to tremble. "I'll try."

He closed his eyes, pinching his fingers together on the woman's lower back. Like a flower opening, he spread them out with agonizing slowness, every fraction of a movement eliciting sobs from the pregnant woman as he used the Force within her to dilate and make way for the child.

Hsaing held her hands, cold water from his hair falling into her sweat-soaked face.

Kylo shook as he finished, and he could feel the baby shift. Changing the shape of his hand, he held it near her knees, as if he were catching raindrops. Rey put a hand on his shoulder, her mind quiet for him, lending him support and focus. More gently than he had ever used the Force before, he drew the baby down.

Hsaing was calling D'Lenn's name, patting her cheeks hard. Her eyes had rolled back, and her grip on the chair had loosened. Rey caught her before she fell and held her in place.

_"Ben, we're losing her."_

_"Get ready to catch."_

"Take her now," Rey ordered Hsaing, moving him to her position. She threw out her hand and summoned a pile of small blankets from the table, draping one over her arms and positioning them below Kylo's. Pressed shoulder to shoulder, and she saw stars cross before his eyes with the effort of his concentration.

There was a rush of fluid, the babe emerged all at once, stretching head to toes, cord dangling, into Rey's waiting hands. D'Lenn gave a low groan, losing consciousness. Falling back onto his backside, Kylo pointed at where to cut. Hsaing carefully lowered D'Lenn to the blankets to lie down.

Rey placed the baby on the blankets beside her mother and summoned the knife and string before Kylo could rise. She cut the cord, tied it, and patted the crying baby dry.

 _"I've never seen a baby up close before,"_ she told Kylo.

"Me either," he answered aloud.

Hsaing wrapped his daughter in the blanket, soaking it with the rainwater from his shirt. Rey found a shirt and towel in the side bedroom and brought them out to him, putting the baby in a dry blanket while he changed. The little one was a pale bi-species Pantoran blue, with black eyes and a shock of black hair.

Kylo averted his eyes from the intimate scene of parent and child, and thought of what to do next. Baby delivered, cord cut. Right. There was a lot of blood, but it didn't seem excessive. The main trouble with D'Lenn at the moment was exhaustion, but he believed she'd recover after some rest. The placenta came away, and Rey took it outside, lifted some soil with the Force, and buried it under a bush.

 _"Please, let's go back to the ship now,"_ Kylo asked, shaking as he sat on the floor next to the hearth.

"Hsaing, is there anything else we can do tonight?" Rey said gently, touching his shoulder. He shook his head, and lay down next to his wife, who had opened her eyes to look at the baby between them.

"Come back in the morning," he asked.

They made their way back through the storm, Rey attempting to recreate what Kylo had done but unsuccessfully, as several large chunks of ice grazed her, and a bolt of lightning nearby made Kylo's hair stand on end.

She could make out the ship's running lights, and got them inside as a particularly bad gust of wind shook the entire shuttle.

Once the door closed Kylo's ears rang from the exposure to the tumult outside. Slowly his hearing came back and he heard the dripping, the panting, the whirring of the life support system.

"Ben, you have to teach me," Rey said, pulling off her cloak. "Your control is phenomenal. I thought building a lightsaber was a delicate job, but what you did tonight was incredible."

All the clothes underneath were wet too, and she peeled them off one by one. He felt like this should have excited him, but his mind was too numb. He hadn't noticed when she got to the point of putting fresh clothes back on, and she was fully changed when he felt her warm hand cup his face.

"Come on," she said softly, and she helped him out of his jacket. He caught the scent in the wet leather of aftershave.

"That's my father's," he realized. "You got these from the Falcon." He gestured at the pile of clothes she'd laid out for him. Necessity told him that he'd wear them, but he was grateful for the mental fatigue that prevented him from truly feeling everything he should be.

"You need food and distraction," Rey told him as he dressed, and he felt her assessing his mental state. "You need to process what just happened before you sleep."

The tea he'd made earlier had steeped into undrinkability, so Rey rinsed out the canteen and filled it again.

"Show me how you heated this before," she requested, putting it in his hands. He sat down on the bed, and saw that his hands were still shaking. Concentrating through what he realized was the throb of a potentially impending headache, he felt her riding sidecar in his mind, following along. The canteen contents boiled, and he almost dropped the scalding water into his lap. Rey caught it, and made more tea.

He couldn't get Hsaing and D'Lenn out of his thoughts. The only partners he'd interacted with regularly had been his parents, but the pair tonight had an easy connection that made him realize how dysfunctional Han and Leia's marriage may have been.

They were ordinary people who had created life with their bodies, something extraordinary, that he had sneered at in the past as a byproduct of undisciplined peasant pursuits. His parents had created life too, his mother had endured, his father supported, but he'd been born into a path that had been laid for him.

He glanced at Rey, looking through a cupboard in the tiny galley to see what the previous owners had left.

The galaxy had once been his, or so he'd thought, and the biggest mistake he'd made was not giving it up immediately for her. False front after false front had fallen away until there was nothing real in his life except his body, his mind, and the woman who was ready to risk her life and freedom to be with him.

Hsaing's resolve tonight had been instructive. The older man would have cheerfully murdered, burned his own house down, or given his own life for his wife and child.

If Kylo Ren and Ben Solo were to find balance and redemption, Rey would be his centre. The only things in his life worth saving at the moment were the ones that pertained to her, but he felt like with her help that list would grow as he rebuilt an identity he could live with based on choices he'd never had the freedom to make before.

His control of the Force would be part of that. Teaching Rey, developing his skills, pushing what was possible, like enveloping the fragile body of a baby with the pure energy he was more accustomed to using to destroy.

Strength was returning to his body as his confidence grew. It burned through the shock, the exhaustion, and he clenched his fists as he felt the comforting darkness of the Force flood his soul.

 _This is me,_ he thought determinedly. _There may be no label for who I am right now, but this person is me._

He stood, sizing Rey up with a slow nod of his head. She felt the power of his thoughts pressing in on hers, and turned to face him, eyebrows raised. She read his expression and thoughts together.

"Oh my," she said softly, with a slight smile.

He was tall, imposing, a dark knight with a sinister countenance. She felt her heart race. He raised a hand and gestured with two fingers towards her. She was lifted by the Force and drawn to him. Gathering her up in his arms, he carried her over the threshold of the back room to the open area of the main shuttle floor.

 _"We need the space,"_ he said darkly into her mind, stray images accompanying the words. She flushed red, twining her fingers through his damp hair. Closing her eyes, she called blankets from the cot and dropped them on the floor.

He laid her down gently, but kissed her roughly.

"I intend to have you now," he said, following in a slightly less confident tone to her mentally, _"as long as you are aware that my knowledge in this regard is purely theoretical."_

"I'm aware of both," she laughed, kissing him, clawing at his shirt hem, getting it stuck awkwardly on his vest. "Sorry," she mumbled as he freed himself, returning to his mouth as soon as it was available.

He wanted to tear the clothes from her body, knew he could if he wanted to, but knew they didn't have the luxury of finding more, so he settled on carefully removing each buckle, knot, and layer of fabric between fervent kisses.

They drew a temporary unspoken line at the waist, not wanting to rush. Kylo spent a glorious period finding out what she did and didn't like with her breasts while she discovered with her mouth and teeth every spot between his ear and his shoulder that made him rock against her.

Theirs legs were tangled, he felt the spot where Rey's wetness had begun leaking through the fabric with the friction of rubbing against his thigh.

 _"Let me touch you,"_ he compelled, slipping his hand between her legs. Doing one better, she shimmied her trousers off, taking his hand in both of hers and guiding it back to the hair-dusted apex of her thighs.

The trembling threatened to return to his fingers, but she laid a powerful kiss on him, urging him on with mental images of her enjoyment. Not quite sure what to do next, he tried rubbing his fingers around until he glanced a nub that made her fingernails dig into his skin.

"Did I hurt you," he asked quickly.

"No," she gasped, "more. There. Touch me more there."

He obliged, and with all his senses took in Rey's ascent. There was a coiling, climbing sensation he knew from his limited experience with self-gratification.

"Good?"

"Good!" she affirmed, exposing her neck as she threw her head back. He ran the fingers of his free hand down her throat, trailing lightly across her breasts.

"Fuck," she clipped, muscles seizing, holding tightly, then relaxing. His fingers were soaked, and he felt a sense of accomplishment that may have been disproportionate to the task.

She made some barely coherent sounds, and began working at his pants.

He wondered if she felt his need or her own, they kept blending together in his mind in a dizzying array of desires.

Helping him out of his clothes, they lay bare skinned side by side for a time. She squirmed with a giggle when the silky soft tip of his rigid penis stroked the ticklish skin of her inner thigh.

 _"How is this real. How is any of this really happening,"_ he whispered into her thoughts, gently stroking her again. Rey felt his self-doubt rising, and there was a flash of anger.

She rolled on top of him, shoving both of his shoulders down onto the unforgiving floor. Straddling his waist she poked him hard in the magnificent pectorals.

"Let's not overthink things, Ben."

She reached between her legs and wrapped her fingers around him, positioning in a way that felt right for both of them. Kissing him deeply, she lowered bit by bit at her own pace until he filled her up.

His brain evaporated.

Fuelled entirely on feeling, emotion, sensation, he flipped them over, cradled by her legs.

 _"Take it,"_ she thought to him. _"It's yours, I'm yours. Take what you want."_

He groaned into her shoulder, feeling her stretch and relax around him.

"Gently," he whispered, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," she promised. _"Open your thoughts to me and you'll feel what I feel."_

The strange dichotomy of being the penetrator and the penetrated merged. He could feel the darkness driving her to claim and own and demand satisfaction, and gave into the deeper well of the same darkness in himself.

Sinking in, he took her roughly, feeling her enjoyment. She clawed at his skin, bite his shoulders, dug her heels into his lower back until it ached as he fucked her.

 _"BenBenBenBenBenBenBenBen,"_ she chanted as she became overwhelmed, climbing to the top of a steep fall. He heard his name resonant through their minds with every wild stroke through her, and lost himself inside.

Blue electricity rippled through their bodies as they came together, too wrapped in the merging of the Force to feel whether there was pain. It crackled out from them, lightning forks illuminating the shuttle inside and out.

 _"BenBenBenBenBenBenBenBen,"_ Rey continued to chant, slower now, as Kylo hung his head above her breasts and panted. The blue electricity faded quickly, but he was washed over by the rich and heavy feelings of completion. The Force around them felt different, sacred, like their joining had changed the essence of the energy they could draw up.

Gathering him up in her arms, Rey held him by her side while they breathed through the connection they had formed.

"I don't even know what I am anymore," he said finally, unscrambling his thoughts enough to speak.

"Certainly not a priest," Rey responded with a soft laugh, wrapping her arms around his head and lacing her fingers into his hair. "We can do that whenever we want, and neither of us will disappear."

He knew she wasn't just talking about the Force bond visits.


	6. Epilogue

He knew it was coming.

From the moment they started crunching their way along the gravel path to the little stone house, his mind whirred along. Rey didn't interrupt, though he was sure she was listening.

Making eye contact briefly, Rey nodded, understanding he was ready, and softly tapped on the front door of D'Lenn and Hsaing's house.

In the daylight they could finally see the terrain that surrounded the ship. Green hills and valleys rolled from every side in a dramatically folded landscape, white dots in the distance on some. The ridge of land they were on held the launch pad, the cottage, and a long kitchen garden marked by a protective energy field. White squares already hung on a line to dry in the cool morning sun over the pieces of a broken speeder.

It couldn't be more different from where either had woken up the day before.

The house had flowers hanging in baskets on either side of the door where they'd be sheltered by the harsh night weather, bright garish colours that fascinated Rey as they waited.

The beautifully carved wooden door opened, and the smell of bread arrived before Hsaing.

"Come in," he said, stepping away so they could enter. "D'Lenn wants to meet you."

He ushered them to sit at the little table.

Everything about the small central space had changed.

Hsaing had evidently not needed much sleep, as the room was scrubbed, laundry hung, food prepared. D'Lenn, wrapped in a soft robe and holding the bundle of baby on her shoulder, shuffled out from the bedroom.

"We owe you our thanks," she said simply to greet them. "You came at a fortuitous time."

"We probably would have shot you otherwise," Hsaing admitted, pointing at a blaster hanging on a peg near the door. He set a board of warm bread and a long jagged knife in front of them, and went back for plates.

"For simply landing here?" asked Rey, aghast.

"For the Supreme Leader of the First Order simply landing here, yes," said Hsaing, eyeing his startled male guest. "We don't want trouble here, there are families to protect. So far we've managed to stay off the radar."

He passed them both a plate, and poured coffee.

"Last night was wild, but it didn't take me long to realize you two were talking in your heads, and using the Force. Now we're isolated, but not stupid, and we still get supplies and news from the rest of the galaxy."

He pushed a pretty dish of creamy white butter at them, and set slices of bread on their plates. Neither touched it or moved, waiting on edge. The lightsaber was out of sight, but accessible.

D'Lenn settled herself in a rocking chair by the hearth and the tiny blue head peeping out of the blanket began rooting for her nipple.

"You worked a miracle last night," she said, "and I don't believe you mean us harm. Judging by the way you've been behaving towards each other I'm thinking you just want to be left alone to do what kids do when they fall in love with the wrong person. We're willing to help you since you helped us."

Hsaing's black eyed gaze was piercing, his hawkish face and salt and pepper hair giving him an air of stateliness they hadn't seen before.

"What do we call you?"

Time's up.

"Ben. You can call me Ben Solo."

He could feel Rey's eyes flick sharply to his face.

_"I thought you were just going to leave it at Ben."_

"They already know who I am," Ben said aloud with a shrug. He picked up the bread and spread butter on it. It would be his first freshly made food since the Jedi temple after years of space rations.

"I'm Rey. Do you intend to tell the others here who we are?"

D'Lenn nodded.

"It's only fair."

They ate in silence, Rey's enjoyment of the food flooding Ben's mind with pleasure that temporarily overwhelmed the apprehension and anxiety of their situation. He'd counted on anonymity.

_"Maybe its better this way, with it out in the open. We don't have to hide or pretend. More honest."_

"What guarantee do we have that your people won't try to harm us?" Ben asked.

Hsaing cocked an eyebrow.

"The way I see it, you're supposed to be the most powerful Force users around, and you've probably got a lightsaber or two tucked in your pockets. I imagine you can look after yourself if a farmer comes at you with a pitchfork. I've got the only blaster in the village."

"Ben, what happened to your face? Does it keep going under your shirt? It looks like it's still healing," D'Lenn asked, examining him from across the room with a professional eye.

_Right, she's the doctor._

Ben and Rey exchanged awkward looks. Rey blushed. They hadn't talked about what Rey had done to him just a short time ago, slicing him up and leaving him for dead on Starkiller base.

"It's complicated," he answered, sparing her embarrassment. "Medical droids have worked on it, it'll be fine."

"I'll check it out when the baby is done eating," D'Lenn said firmly. "Do you have other injuries? Newer?" Both shook their head. "Rey, are you pregnant?"

Rey choked on her coffee.

"It's worth asking considering you've run away together."

"No, ma'am, she's not," Ben responded for her while Rey wiped her face with a napkin. _I doubt last night..._

"We don't have any implants here, there hasn't been a need, but if you don't have your own we'll be doing our next supply run in a few months and can get one then, if it's not too late."

Feeling exposed, Ben nodded noncommittally. They would have to talk about it, it was Rey's body after all.

He'd awoken very early that morning to the sound of the hail and wind tapering off, light beginning to shine through the shuttle windows. Slightly achy and tingly all over, naked, intertwined with Rey, one arm painfully asleep under her shoulders. He could see faintly purple marks on the skin there where he'd pressed his teeth, and a mostly healed scar from the Praetorian guard who'd wounded her.

Rey snored gently, and he shifted her off his arm and onto his chest, gathering her up against him. They were under his heavy cloak, blankets beneath to protect from the cold metal floor. Her stomach growled loudly, strong enough to flutter against his, and he smiled, watching the slow return to consciousness work its way through her features.

The smile dropped. They'd taken no precautions last night. He'd meant to discuss it rationally before they began a sexual relationship, but he'd been carried away by his own dark desires, sweeping her along with him.

_Reckless._

"I knew what I was getting myself into," Rey responded groggily. "We're adults, we'll deal with what comes."

She pushed herself up off of him just far enough to see his face. Through her eyes he saw the stark contrast of his sunless skin and starless night sky features softened by her warmth, her palate of earthy browns radiant to him. She felt the part of him that feared now having had him, she would reject him, find him unworthy, realize that what she held was an ordinary broken man who had done extraordinarily monstrous things.

She had kissed him, the possessive fire in her that had led her to pluck him off his ship of enemies still burning strong.

_Minemineminemine..._

_Yours._

He had seen in her mind the same quick exchange of images play several times over the past few hours. Her confidence in him was bolstered when necessary by remembering the moments Ben had killed Snoke, brought her lightsaber to her hand, proposed and offered to share the galaxy with him.

"If my friends hadn't been in trouble I'd have propositioned you right there," she'd whispered, remembering the intensity with which he'd finished the fight and turned his attention to her.

Ben didn't need to know theoretically that Rey wasn't physically ready for another round, he could feel the soreness between her legs for himself in his mind, but he rolled himself on top of her and kissed her senseless until they were too hungry to go any longer.

_BenBenBenBenBenBenBenBen_

The memory of Rey chanting his name as they consummated their relationship the previous night had been the final deciding factor in using the name Ben. New memories like that would soon overwhelm the old, and when he thought of Ben he'd eventually just hear the word gasped by Rey as she was washed with pleasure.

Shaking his head and returning to the present, Ben realized he was being called.

"Ben?"

Hsaing was looking at him with a surprisingly gentle expression.

 _"We were chatting about the baby, they can't decide on a name, and she's got a voracious appetite. That's all you missed,"_  Rey passed along, catching him up. He took her hand under the table and squeezed it.

"You're just kids really, aren't you." Hsaing said, seeing their togetherness and brokenness. It wasn't a question. "No wonder you left, you look like hell."

He put the cut pieces of an apple on Ben's plate, and began to slice one for Rey. His father had done that when he was a child. Rey had to ask what the piece of fruit was, and for a moment his temper flared at the neglect she has received.

"So apart from trying to rule the galaxy or being Jedi, what are your skills," D'Lenn asked practically, switching the baby from one side to the other. "Are you useful at all?"

Ben considered the question and was tempted to say no. Rey intervened.

"Ben's a talented pilot, fighter, calligrapher, and he's strong enough for any manual labour."

She rummaged around in his mind a moment, and he frowned as she pushed into memories he'd rather she leave alone.

"He knows several languages," she continued, "diplomacy, economics, and some detailed woodworking."

At that Hsaing brightening visibly.

"I was an engineer, but nowadays I do building and woodworking. You can help me in my shop at the village if you want until you find something else."

"Ben is going to be apprenticing under me, Hsaing," D'Lenn corrected, "then once he's trained as a backup you can have him for awhile if he wants, but if these two stay long enough he's going to be teaching the older kids at the school. And you?"

He looked at Rey, who was ready to prove herself.

"I'm an able mechanic and I can fix just about anything. I can fix that speeder out back if you have the parts and tools."

"Tell you what," D'Lenn said. "We owe you for saving the little one and me. You and Ben will need a better place to live than that clunky shuttle. Before I married Hsaing last year I had my own little house in the village. It's yours for as long as you want it, and if you get the speeder working we can share it."

The room was quiet. Rey and Ben were both taken aback by the kind offer, thinking. Carefully, gently, he looked sideways at D'Lenn and pushed into her mind to scan her surface thoughts for sincerity.

A wave of incredible thirst hit him, new love for the baby, pain, exhaustion, but the honest desire to help him was there too.

Ben got up from the table and picked up a clay mug from the drying rack, filling it with water from a pitcher on the counter and bringing it over to D'Lenn. She accepted it gratefully, and he waited for her to hand it back. Her blue fingertips touched his and she smiled maternally, despite being only a decade or so his elder.

 _"What do you think?"_  he asked Rey.  _"Think it's safe to stay here, or should we look somewhere else where we haven't been recognized? Somewhere more isolated could be safer."_

_"You're right, but I like it here. It feels right, even if it could be a huge risk. I vote cautiously stay for now. We can leave whenever we want."_

There was a knock on the door, and everyone turned to look.

"I wondered when the curious would start to arrive," D'Lenn said with a smile.

The diapers on the line outside has signalled to the village like a line of white flags that the baby had finally arrived. A pair of Mon Calamari entered, greeting Hsaing with hugs and D'Lenn gentle bumps on the cheek as they checked out the newest addition to the colony, and leaving presents of small clothes, blankets, and food behind when they left.

The house became a busy place, visitors coming and going, and Rey and Ben escaped outside.

"So many different people here," Rey said. "I'm not sure a slave from Jakku will improve the neighbourhood much. I don't even know if I was born on Jakku."

"I was born on Chandrila," Ben offered self-consciously.

"Not Corellia, where all the best pilots and ships are from," Rey asked with a warm smile. He didn't answer.

Like a moth to flame Rey began analyzing the broken speeder, and Ben scanned the horizon for signs of ships, communication towers, or large buildings. Seeing nothing he sat facing the valley that fell steeply from the garden, meditating.

"Come with me," Hsaing said awhile later, when the sun was higher. Ben was handing Rey tools on demand as she finished rebuilding the engine. She screwed the cover back on, and dropped the driver into the box.

"Find the problem?" he asked hopefully.

"Yep, problem is that your mechanic is terrible. Nothing was broken, it just badly needed maintenance."

"Problem is that our mechanic is dead. Fell out of a tree last year."

"That would do it," Rey agreed.

"Come look at the house, it's at the far end, off the high street. D'Lenn likes her privacy, I think that's why she made the trip up the hill to come see me here so often. I guard the launch pad, so I'm on my own with my wood shop most of the time."

He walked them down the steep hill on a dirt path, too many in number for the speeder. They could see people milling about in the street, dressed lightly for the sunny day in sturdy, soft coloured clothes and wide brimmed hats.

Hsaing waved as people greeted him, crunching onto the gravel road.

A pair of men holding hands stopped him, intrigued. The taller one with a fiery red beard gave a wry smile.

"Heard you were Kylo Ren. No plans to murder us all in our beds?"

"Please, Klax," said the smaller man with a heavy Festian accent, "don't embarrass him, they're new here."

"No plans," answered Ben bluntly. "We're not here to cause trouble, and we just want to be left alone."

"To do what," asked Klax, only half-joking. "There are children and seniors here, and we don't need the First Order bringing down troopers and bombs."

Hsaing's posture changed, as Klax's partner hissed his name warningly.

"You don't have to answer that."

Rey shrugged.

"We're here to be together, and for Ben to train me to use the Force properly. No one knows we're here, we just want a quiet place to live."

Klax looked them over, and smiled more sincerely this time.

"Eloped? We can relate to that."

"Not quite," Rey answered, exchanging glances with Ben. "We're not married."

"If you change your mind, Arturo here is the village holy man and can do the job." Klax raised the joined hands, indicating his partner.

_"Want to be a Solo?"_

_"I can think of worse things."_

_"Me too."_

_"Does that mean my kids would be Skywalkers?"_

_"Technically."_

_"That's trouble for the galaxy."_

_"Undoubtedly. I love you."_

_"I know. How about I marry you."_

"Just give them a moment," Hsaing was saying when they started paying attention to the world around them again. Ben realized he was staring deeply into Rey's beautiful brown eyes. "They can talk in each other's heads and they're probably sussing out the details."

"We'd like to take you up on your offer once we're settled, Arturo," Rey responded with a smile while Ben clenched his fist to contain the burst of exhilaration racing through his body.

Within the day Ben and Rey found themselves in a tiny stone house on the end of the village, surrounded by the welcoming offerings a steady stream of curious neighbours had brought.

Once word about their intervention saving D'Lenn and her child had gotten out, the items had increased in value from baked goods and preserves to blankets, firewood, household items, tools, and bad weather gear that would be necessary for moving about after dark. D'Lenn's death would have been more than a personal loss for the colony, it would have meant living dangerously without a doctor.

At dinnertime, as the first patters of rain and small hail swept in with a howling wind, a young woman arrived on the doorstep bearing a full hot meal in a basket. She stayed only long enough to press it into their hands and ran back across the street.

They ate at their own wooden table by the flickering light of candles, stunned by the whirlwind of people.

Taking stock later when Ben returned from making up the bed, Rey had her hands balled into fists on her hips, staring at the pile of stuff. She gestured towards it, baffled.

"Is this what life is like when you're not a slave, when you're just a normal person? People just give you things?"

Ben nodded, not really knowing himself.  _When people at the palace where I grew up, or people in the First Order, gave you things, it was because they expected something in return._

"Do you want to learn how to put together your lightsaber, Rey?"

He sorted through their packs, which had been set aside from the accumulation, looking for the broken pieces of Skywalker's lightsaber, and the split kyber. He pulled out a small bundle wrapped in cloth and opened it on the table.

Several toys, a well used pen set, a mostly filled notebook, and a small cuddly blanket featuring happy Wookiees stared back at him.

Rey looked up from gathering tools, the blankness in his mind deafening. She looked from his face to the objects back to his face.

"You brought these from the  _Falcon_?"

She felt a complicated tangled of emotions ripple out of him, and kept her words soft.

"You were so convinced it was going to drop out of the sky or explode, I thought your treasures would be safer with you than it."

He carefully wrapped the bundle back up and placed in the cabinet in their bedroom. Neither spoke.

Going back to the packs he found the other bundle, the right one this time, and spread the components out on the table.

"Training starts tonight."

Rey came up to the table next to him to look, her side pressed up against his. He could smell her, that warm sunlight scent she carried with her, and a faint trace of himself lingering about her.

"I doubt I'll be able to concentrate on building a lightsaber while your mind is going down that path," she said lightly, not looking away from the spread of electronic bits but taking his hand and stroking his palm with her thumb.

He could tell that she still ached a little, but it was clear she didn't care, so neither did he.

Without a mental warning Rey kicked out his legs, sending him tumbling backwards to the floor. He caught himself, but she was already there, straddling him down to the colourful braided rug.

Darkness surged through both of them, reminding them that though domesticated, they were still wolves among sheep.

"Training begins tomorrow," she countered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sharing this story with me! I appreciate the support and comments.
> 
> My next Reylo fic is in the works because this is apparently my life now.


End file.
